Depression. Scary word. I was walking down the road this morning thinking, how can people who’ve never experienced depression even begin to understand? I imagine they feel so useless and confused because they want to help but don’t know how. I tried to visualise it. Visualise the depression standing over me as go about my life. I imagined my own personal dementor. This dementor is by my side continuously, slowly ebbing at any joy I may feel and emphasising the pain, insecurity and sadness. Sometimes it’s thirst for joy is more than other times, and sometimes I can muster a small wisp of patronus, but it’s so exhausting when I do that it doesn’t normally last long. In certain situations my dementor is incessant and won’t leave me alone, in others it sits back, but it’s always there. You feel isolated. Stuck with this dementor. I doubt myself. “I can conjure a patronus, so why can’t I do it now, why am I so weak and pathetic?”. But I haven’t become weaker, the dementor has just become stronger, so I need help to find the strength to conjure a stronger patronus to keep it at bay. This is tiring, a constant battle between the dementors powers and my own. I need more patronus lessons to be able to overcome it, and maybe some special chocolate to give me a boost everyday to help. This isn’t a quick fix, but eventually my patronus will get stronger and easier to conjure on a more often basis. Better get practising then.
Thanks JK Rowling, for using your words to help others understand depression.