I read this earlier today:
“On Being Worthy…
A grief counselor once painted a picture for me.
“There is a little girl inside who is hurting, and wanting to be taken care of. She feels robbed of her childhood; she had to grow up way too fast. She’s sitting there on that curb with her arms crossed and she isn’t moving. It’s storming, cars are rushing by splashing mud all over her, and she isn’t budging. She’s waiting on that corner and she’s mad.”
That little girl is still there. Sometimes I meet her on that curb and tell her to come inside for a while. I don’t meet her there as often as I should.
I see her there now. She’s crying and I’m crying and we both just need some love.”
This really resonated with me this morning. I can’t explain just how hard it is to say that I love myself, because I don’t and I never really have. So there’s a little girl on the curb, stubborn and crying because she’s never been loved. She has been loved by other people, I have some wonderful people who love me in my life, and yes I also grieve for the love of those people that I never had but wanted so badly. But ultimately, to quote my occupational health doctor the other day, “you seem to constantly be seeking approval, but true approval comes from within” and true love, comes from within. I hate to be cliche but this saying is right; how can you expect others to love you, if you don’t take the time to love yourself?
This little lost girl has been blamed for everything. She’s been blamed for the actions of not-so-friendly friends, she’s been blamed for the lack of fatherly love, she’s been blamed for the feeling of never truly doing enough to be worthy of love. But it’s not about blame. No one should be blamed, her or the other people. It’s done, it’s past and now it’s time that I make up for all that lost love for her.
Everyone is worthy of love, and now I need to give myself some.