I’ve been trying very hard not to get caught up in blaming people or things at the moment. I’ve realised that often people aren’t actually bad people, things just happen. They may not realise what they’ve done, but it’s quite rare to find people who’ve done something purposely to hurt you (although I know there are some out there).
I end up blaming people and in particular myself for most things that don’t go perfect, or the way I want/expect them to. But blame isn’t helpful. It’s tricks you to make you think that it’s good and it’s expressing emotion in a way that’ll make you feel better. It doesn’t, especially not if you’re blaming yourself. I’ve found that it just fuels anger and despair.
It feels like I have the right to blame. To rightfully accuse someone of causing something and get annoyed or upset about it. But it still doesn’t help. I find that when I blame, I get caught up on whatever happened and my anger at the person, rather than accepting that things happen and moving on.
I’ve also been spending a lot of time blaming other people for things that they don’t even know they’ve done. What good is that? If I’m upset or angry about something, then I should say so calmly so that we can all move on from it. Obviously sometimes this doesn’t work, but the point still stands.
Albeit, this is all well and good, but in practise it’s much harder to control. I’ve been getting better and not sweating the little things or worrying about who’s fault it is, but the bigger issues and the blame I give myself are more a work in progress.
I have been finding myself saying “shit happens” a bit more which I think is good. Because it does, and often there’s no reason for it and it’s nobody’s fault. Well at least, it’s something to think that can help me calm down and take a step back. It’s quite hard to really believe that though when you’re suffering from depression and anxiety, but I think it’s a good step.