I’ve had a really bad couple of days.
Sometimes I just can’t face my dementor anymore. It’s too strong, and I’ve no energy left to fight it. I just wish I wasn’t alive anymore, to stop the pain. Instead, I try to sleep, this way I’m not conscious. I sleep sometimes just to waste time. Just to get through a day. To escape.
I feel like I’m losing. I’m losing the battle in my head. It’s like inside it, there’s an army who have taken almost everything away from me, and defeated anything that tried to put up a fight. There’s barely anything left.
I can’t and don’t want to do anything. This feeling gets so strong that sometimes I can’t and don’t want to exist, to breathe anymore. It’s all too much and too hard. How am I meant to defeat this?
But I can’t leave Sam. He’s my shining light, my rock, my anchor. It breaks my heart to imagine what my illness is putting him through at the moment. I have to keep going for him. I have to.