I was sent home from work around 8 weeks ago. Since then, I feel like I’ve been in limbo.
I’m just sort of here day after day, spending most of my time and thoughts on my mental health and getting better. It feels like it’s become the focus of my life, and I almost have nothing else to talk about because that’s dominated everything.
Everything seems to have stalled and I don’t know what’s happening from one week to the next, if anything at all. It’s like I’m living in a haze of illness.
Sam and I were in the process of sorting out something for summer, but even now that’s all ground to a halt because of slow communications so I can’t even focus on that in my mind anymore. It’s all so uncertain. I feel like the next few months are nothing.
I’ve got a lot of time to fill, when I have the energy or motivation to fill it that is, so I’ve decided to start writing more. I think I want to become an author and pursue writing as a career in some form.
At the moment, that’s one of the strongest things helping me look forward to the future, the hope that I can become a writer, a career which I think is the most suited to me and which I feel I could do well and be happy doing so.
Life is just all over the place right now. There’s no organisation or plan. There’s no set things to happen by a certain time and it’s all not helping the jumble of mess my brain is already in. I need some clarity and some stability.