Relief

I decided to resign from my job a few weeks ago to be honest. I’d made my mind up, I just wasn’t ready to make it official until yesterday.

I resigned and when I said those words so much weight fell away. It took about 40 minutes to get up the courage to press send on the official email after that but I did it. I had a great day afterwards.

I felt like I was free to be me again. I was no longer ‘on sick leave’, I was free. My illness no longer feels like it’s defining my life, so now I feel able to progress.

I know that this might not last forever. I still feel great today and I woke up and thought ‘Yes, I did it’. They’ll be ups and downs still of course, and I’m sure that at times I will question my decision or feel sad about it, but I know, deep down, that it was the right thing to do.

I’m a very organised person, and being stuck in limbo was creating more and more anxiety for me. This has allowed me to sit down and plan the next few months in terms of money and activities. Especially now as Sam and I make final arrangements to go to Boston in the Summer.

I want to make sure that I’m well for that. It’ll be amazing and I want to be able to appreciate it and learn as much as I can. I feel that, even though mental illness is shit, I’m more prepared for Boston and the future generally. I’m more aware of myself because of the job I’ve just been in, even if it caused me to relapse. I know what I want and I know what I don’t want, and to be honest, there’s not much that’s going to be this bad for a while so if I can handle this, I can handle anything right now.

Over the next few months before July, I’ll be focusing on writing. I’m going to try and hone and practise my skills and maybe guest blog or similar. This is what I want to do, so I can devote my time and energy to it for the next few months and hopefully get better in the process.

I feel like now, or at least in a few days when it’s all official, I can actually put the negative feelings related to my job behind me. It can be the past instead of the present and I can move on. I suppose in a way it may seem like running away, but for me, it’s more like running towards something better. A healthy and happy me.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Relief

  1. Orange Nutshell says:

    hello little green teapot,

    i find this post beautifully honest and real. i can relate with how you feel and what you are going through, as few months back i resigned from my day job. i had a boss who kept shouting at me and co-workers who were rude.. i am an introvert and i honestly found that experience traumatic (if that’s the right term).

    i decided to let go of all my frustrations about people who keep pushing me around and instead, swore to start pleasing others and start being myself. now, i work online. i do ghost writing and i just recently joined the WP community as well.

    i pray you will feel better soon. the most important thing in life is to be happy. do what gives you peace. 🙂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s