Dear 17-year-old Kate,
I forgive you.
You know you’ve done some bad things. You self-medicated to cope with the feelings which you now know to be depression and anxiety. You treated people worse than they deserved, and you also allowed yourself to be treated badly. But what you haven’t done is forgive yourself for making mistakes.
You’ve blamed yourself for so long. But you are a different person now, and you’ve learnt from your past. But you’ve spent a lot of time since distancing yourself from the person you were at 17, rather than accepting it and forgiving yourself. People don’t always make good choices, but you’re no worse than most people. In fact, you’re a really good person.
I know it’s hard to imagine now, but you are so worth loving. You’ll grow into a person you feel comfortable in, finally, find a skin that fits. It’ll still need altering from time-to-time, but you’ve found a great overall foundation to last. You’re not a bad person because of things you did or felt years ago. Forgive yourself. Forgive.
You’ll fall in love with the most wonderful man who will love you no matter what. But you may never have found him or acted the same if you hadn’t done what you had when you were younger, so aren’t you lucky you made those mistakes? They made you, you. And you’re pretty wonderful, don’t forget to see that when the dementor is resting.
You know in your heart that you’re sorry, now let go. Just let go of the guilt. I forgive you.
Relax. Accept. Breathe.
All my love,