Well, This is Weird…

I hit rock bottom the other day. I got a call at the very moment was contemplating death from a guy at Hello Fresh who saved my life. He ended up completely ignoring his job and giving me a motivation speech instead. I need to thank him, he was a complete stranger who had faith in me, and that’s what I needed.

That desperate pit I found myself in continued until the next morning and I realised I couldn’t go on. I called in sick and went straight to the doctors. All of the last few months came streaming out of me at my appointment and I was a mess. I was referred for an emergency appointment with the local community mental health team which I got later that day.

In that second appointment, something just clicked inside of me. It was like I finally managed to perform a full-bodied Patronus and the dementor scattered, shocked and terrified. But I have no idea how I did it, it just happened. I walked out of there knowing that this was the turning point; I was going to get better.

I suppose when I got to that point, I realised that I had to stay alive. I made that choice and the power of it lifted me; changing everything.

Since then, I’ve felt like a different person. I feel like I’m finally getting better and I’m the person I’ve been trying to be for so long. It’s so strange, I really don’t know how I’ve done it.

I’m lucky. I know it won’t be plain sailing from now on, but I managed to turn it around. Not everyone can do that, and if something hadn’t just clicked, I wouldn’t have been able to either.

I know my depression hasn’t gone, it never really will. But, suddenly, I’ve got it under control. I’m absolutely exhausted, naturally, but I’m doing it. I’m living, not just surviving.

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