If you’ve read my last mental health entry, you’ll see that I reached a turning point in my condition recently and I’m now pretty damn stable and happy considering the not so distant past.
I’m really trying to embrace my positivity. I don’t want to waste this chance, so I’m committed to making the most of my cheerier disposition. I’m keen to be around people who’ve only seen me at my low points to show them who I really am, and I’m keen to keep fuelling the fire of my happier mood.
But because of this, I’m facing some weird reactions. I know I’ve been a pretty dank person to be around, but I feel like I’m now being judged for being too happy…
I’m allowed to laugh, I’m allowed to cry, I’m allowed to be quiet and I’m allowed to want to join in. I have a mental illness, but I am still a person.
But now I’m scared people are going to think I’m faking it. Aside from how ridiculous that would be, the stigma I’ve faced before proves to me that it’s possible for people to believe that.
But what are my options? Act miserable and then become miserable in response just so ignorant people know I’m still depressed and I wasn’t faking? No, I refuse to allow that to happen. I’m going to continue encouraging my new found sunny mentality because my life is so much better doing so. But my anxiety about what others think nips at my heels still.
I’m sure many others who’ve started to recover, or even just had a good week while living with depression have felt this way too. But I’m going to keep living like there’s no stigma because that’s how it should be.